I always found school and testing to be quite easy when growing up. I accepted nothing less than an A in junior high and high school, and I was determined to continue my perfect scores when I got to college. My first year of college was tough, by I managed to get fairly decent grades. I began my flight training my first semester and looked forward to the days when I could go to my flight lessons. I had to work hard at flying, but I enjoyed it. Some people are natural aviators (I realized that as a flight instructor), but I was not. I had to work at flying the airplane with precision. But because I enjoyed it so much, it was a challenge I loved!
I passed my first year of college and my private pilot checkride without too much studying. I was unstoppable- invincible even! So I decided to take 20 credits and continue with my instrument flight training. I found a new love when I began that training. I found the instrument world fascinating (though incredibly difficult to fly without screwing something up). This training was hard for me, but yet again, I could not fail, so I didn't worry too much. My decent grades improved and I found it easier to sit and study for hours if I needed to. I passed my instrument written exam scoring in the 90s.
When the school year came to a close, I found myself needing to take my instrument checkride. I didn't feel quite ready, but my instructor insured me I was. We scheduled my checkride, I had a mini heart attack, and then I dug into my books leaving my social life in the dust for a week. I was nervous the day of my checkride, but I had never failed anything before, and I didn't see why that day would be any different. I passed the ground with no problems and we were on to the flight. My heart was pounding, but I tried to tell myself it would be fine.
The flight was going great until the examiner gave me some weird vectors to get us around some snow clouds. I got a little disoriented, so when he cleared me for the ILS approach I blew right through the final approach course. I realized it as the needle went full scale. My heart sank. I wished we could just redo it right then and there, but I knew that wasn't allowed. I had failed. Failed! What was I going to do now? I couldn't clear my mind, so we decided to just stop the checkride and finish the rest on a later day.
The examiner and I went back into the building where my friends were waiting to congratulate me. I may have cried a little bit when I told them I hadn't passed; don't judge, that's just what girls do sometimes. I tried to be strong, but I had never failed at something before. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I felt like I had disappointed everybody- my friends, my instructor, but most importantly, myself! I cried for probably 2 days straight, but then got it all out of my system. I devised a plan- a plan that would allow me to pass every future checkride. I would not give up! I would let this situation make me smarter, and stronger, and even more determined.
Failing made me realize how badly I wanted this. I failed fair-and-square, but I was able to pinpoint a couple things that equated to my failure.
The first was that I lacked the confidence I needed before I took the checkride. My lack of confidence came because I hadn't performed the maneuvers to PTS standards enough times for it to be consistent. This made me doubt my ability, which decreased my confidence. I just figured that a miracle would happen and I would pass, but not so. I decided that I would not take a checkride again until I felt ready; because with that readiness comes complete confidence in myself and my ability to pass.
The second was the pressure of knowing that everybody knew I was taking my checkride- it was my checkride, not theirs. So I decided that I would no longer tell people when I had a checkride coming up. Doing this took the weight off my shoulders and allowed me to focus on just the checkride and not what other people would think of me if I failed. This took a huge weight off my shoulders!
After my mini realizations, I met with my flight instructor and hashed everything out. Once I felt 100% with all the maneuvers, I took my chekcride again and told nobody of my ride. Though the examiner kept saying "you better get this right so I don't have to fail you again," numerous times throughout the checkride, it did not phase me because I had the confidence that I could pass this. I knew I could fly all the maneuvers even better than the PTS standards. And I did!
But failing that checkride made me a better pilot. It made me realize that I needed to be able to fly the maneuvers consistently before being tested. It made me realize that I needed to be confident. It made me realize that this was the career I wanted- no matter how difficult, it would be worth it.
Since then, I have passed every checkride, first attempt, including my CFI checkride (which I heard has only a 40% pass on the first attempt). Of all my checkrides, my CFI was the most fun. But it was because I was ready. I taught a bazillion lesson plans to anybody that would let me practice; I flew with the most intimidating chief pilots and asked for feedback on how to improve; I studied everything from the PTS and then some. I was determined to be a CFI so I could pass on the determination and motivation I had learned.
I loved flight instructing- I had to to do it for 5 years! I loved it, not because of the money or the free hours I got, but because I had the ability to give students the same motivation and determination that I had learned. It was so rewarding to see a student go from the first flight, to soloing, to flying an airplane with precision. I was probably happier than my students when they passed; that's how nerdy I am. :)
And to think, I became a better pilot and flight instructor from failing a checkride. Maybe sometimes failure really is necessary to succeed.
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